


In sorrow's sharp sustaining

by EmilyScarlett



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Enjolras Survives, Alternate Universe - Grantaire Survives, Begging, Breathplay, British spelling, Canon Era, Come Swallowing, Kneeling, M/M, Post-Barricade, Rape/Non-con Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-05
Updated: 2015-10-13
Packaged: 2018-04-24 23:57:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4938892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmilyScarlett/pseuds/EmilyScarlett
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Grantaire, after joining the National Guard post barricade, discovers that Enjolras had been taken by them and is being hurt terribly.</p>
<p>Seriously, look at the warnings before reading this one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For a kink meme prompt.

_Why not?_ That’s what Grantaire had asked himself. Why not betray his friends completely? Why not put himself in a position that would force his self-loathing to its very peak? Why not join the ranks of the men who had killed his friends? He’d woken up too late, he’d found nothing but bodies left, all because he’d been a worthless drunk. He’d slept through his friends being murdered. At least he was no longer a drunk. He could no longer stomach that vile poison.

 

This was the punishment he’d chosen for himself. He would force himself to look upon the faces of his friends murderers and remember how he had let them down.

 

And now he found himself interacting with them even more. One of them, Grantaire couldn’t remember his name, had said that he was too serious, that he could do with relaxing a little, and that he knew just the way for him to. In all honesty, without alcohol Grantaire had little to fill his time. Thus, he followed.

 

Nothing could have prepared him for what he found in that room. Tucked away in a small out of the way room, Grantaire found the most horrific sight he’d ever seen. There was a man, naked, collared, arms bound behind his back, bent over a table. And they were _raping_ him. One of the Guardsmen was taking him from behind roughly, another using his mouth, hands twisted in his hair, pulling viciously, taking no notice when the bound man gagged.

 

That wasn’t the most horrific thing though. The most horrific thing was that this poor man who was being used so horribly was _Enjolras_.

 

Grantaire’s head swam. For a moment he thought he might pass out, but he couldn’t do that. Enjolras needed his help, so he had to focus. He looked around. There were too many Guardsmen in the room to fight off, Grantaire would have to wait until they had gone, and then get Enjolras out. But that would mean letting this happen, watching Enjolras being raped, perhaps even being forced to do more. He decided right then that he would do whatever it took to get Enjolras out of there.

 

The man who’d brought him there nudged him.

“Pretty, isn’t he? He’s one of those traitors who built the barricades. He’s gotten what he deserves though.” Grantaire couldn’t look away to answer, the men using Enjolras were both finishing inside of him. The one who’d used his mouth pulled out and forced his mouth shut, pinching his nose closed as well. He crouched down to Enjolras’ eye-level and smirked at him.

“You know the rules by now whore, surely,” he mocked, causing Grantaire’s blood to boil, his horror turning to anger. How dare he! “You don’t get to breathe again until you’ve swallowed everything I’ve given you.” Enjolras glared at him, eyes burning.

“I don’t know why you persist on being so stubborn,” the man continued, giving a fake sigh. “You know we always end up getting our way in the end.” Enjolras still glared, and did not swallow until he absolutely needed to breathe. The man before him patted his cheek condescendingly when he did.

 

“Here,” said the man beside him, who had perhaps taken his focus for eagerness. “Let our new friend have a turn. You lot have all had him before, and it’s not as though he’s going anywhere.” Frustratingly, they all agreed readily enough. He had hoped that they would object, then he would be forgotten about and could slink into the background and not have to do this terrible thing. Now there was nothing for it. He could only hope Enjolras might understand, might know what he was doing.

 

“Very well,” he said, with fake geniality in his voice. That was when Enjolras noticed him. His eyes widened, his breath came more quickly, and he began to shake his head.

“Please,” he whispered quietly, looking into Grantaire’s eyes. Grantaire heart sank. He didn’t understand, he thought that Grantaire was just going to use him and be done with it. And Grantaire couldn’t tell him otherwise.

 

“What was that, whore?” This was from the same man as before, looking incredulous now.

“Please, don’t Grantaire, please,” he repeated, not looking away from Grantaire’s eyes. The Guardsman turned to Grantaire amazedly.

“He’s never begged before,” he said, rather stupidly. “We couldn’t get him to.”

“We used to know each other,” Grantaire replied, because they’d surely noticed that Enjolras knew his name. “He rejected my advances, then.” It was true, technically. He had approached Enjolras about his feelings, but Enjolras had told him that he had no time for romance, that he had to focus on the revolution. He was not unkind about it. Grantaire had taken it well, understanding, not having expected anything in the first place. He’d merely felt he should be honest. Now though, the reminder made Enjolras shiver and Grantaire wanted to just pick him up and take him away from this awful place and tell him how he’d never hurt him, not ever. He could not though. He must continue this horrific charade.

 

The man smiled cruelly, stroking a finger over Enjolras cheek, and Grantaire wanted to break his hand for it.

“Well, he’s in no position to refuse you now.”

“No, he is not,” said Grantaire, forcing himself to smirk. The men around him laughed.

“Grantaire,” Enjolras whispered, tears in his eyes. “Please don’t. Please.” The men laughed once more, jovial, as though this were some kind of sport for them.

“Quiet,” he told Enjolras harshly. “This is your own fault. If you hadn’t rejected me before then I would have been so good to you. I would have been gentle and careful. But you lost your chance at that, and now you’ll take what you deserve and you’ll do it quietly.” He immediately wanted to fall to his knees and beg for forgiveness for speaking to his god so disrespectfully.

 

He did not allow himself to think about what he was about to do. He went around Enjolras’ prone body to his rear. He stroked himself, forcing himself to become aroused, imagining Enjolras pliant and willing. He ignored the laughs of the men around him as he pushed in roughly, tried to ignore the sound of Enjolras sobbing as his tears spilled over. He thrust viciously, wanting nothing more than to be gentle, hating himself every second for not being able to come up with a better way to get Enjolras out of this horrible situation. He hoped his expression, twisted in disgust, could be passed off as enjoyment. He continued to push in and out harshly as Enjolras sobbed beneath him. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, he came into Enjolras and pulled out. He patted Enjolras cheek as he walked past. A few people clapped him on the shoulder as he passed, and he faked a smile at them, despite hearing Enjolras’ sobs behind him, and a raucous cry of “who’s next?”

 

* * *

 

 

It took him a week to get Enjolras out of there. A week of watching him being used each night, a week of having to rape him himself, to keep up appearances, a week of listening to Enjolras beg for him not to, beg for him to stop. A week of hell.

It quickly became a favourite of the men, to watch Grantaire have his turn on Enjolras. He was the only one Enjolras begged. For the others he remained silent, albeit that he sobbed, but with Grantaire he would beg each and every time. It tore Grantaire apart. He could see the fear in Enjolras’ eyes each time he approached, the panic. It seemed too much for Enjolras, to be used by one he had considered a friend.

 

Finally, a week after he had discovered Enjolras, he had his chance. He was to be the one to guard Enjolras that night. It would be so simple really, to get him out. All he had to do was wait until the men had had their fun and left, and then take Enjolras out of the delivery entrance. He brought a bag with a change of clothes for both of them and left it by the door.

 

At last, after standing outside listening to the horrors happening within for what seemed like an eternity, everyone was gone. Grantaire braced himself, and then entered the room.

 

Enjolras looked up with fear in his eyes, fear which did not abate when he saw Grantaire.

“No,” he begged, shaking his head from side to side, panicked. “Please don’t Grantaire, not you, no more. Please, I can’t-”

“Hush,” whispered Grantaire, gently. He knelt in front of Enjolras, carefully wiping tears from his face. “Hush, I’m not here to hurt you, not anymore. I’m going to take you away from here. They won’t hurt you anymore. Alright?” He wanted to apologise, to tell Enjolras over and over again how sorry he was, but they had no time for that. That would have to come later.

Enjolras looked into Grantaire’s eyes and seemed to deliberate before nodding. That confused Grantaire, wondering what Enjolras was considering, but he did not have time to question. He set about untying Enjolras from his bonds, supporting most of his weight, since he was unable to stand on his own. He led them to the back door cautiously, but at this hour there was no one around to see them. Taking up the bag he had placed there, he handed Enjolras a set of fine clothes, and changed his uniform to his own clothes. When they were finished they looked exactly like the students they had once been. Grantaire could almost believe it, until he reached up to tie Enjolras’ cravat for him and the man flinched away from him.

 

“Right,” said Grantaire, ignoring the reaction as Enjolras hurriedly tied his own cravat. “We will take a carriage to my house in Orléans, no one will look for us there. It is not known that I own it.”

Enjolras nodded.

 

The first half of the journey was uneventful. Unfortunately, they were obliged to stop over at an inn, to give the horses a rest. There was a strange expression on Enjolras’ face when Grantaire payed for two rooms. Grantaire hoped he had not misread the situation.

“Is that alright? You can come into my room at any time, if you wish. If you are frightened, or for any reason at all. Just come and wake me. Alright?”

Enjolras nodded.

 

They sat down in the tavern part of the inn for a while to keep up appearances and so that they could eat something. Enjolras managed only a little of the stew placed in front of him, and it occurred to Grantaire that he had probably been starved. His stomach had shrunk, and that’s why he could eat no more. Enjolras flinched every time one of the other tables broke out in raucous laughter so Grantaire suggested they retire. If anything, Enjolras seemed more nervous at this suggestion, but he followed him upstairs. Grantaire supposed he expected nightmares, it’s not as though he didn’t have enough fuel for them. Still, he was confused when Enjolras followed him into his room, shut the door, and began undressing.

“Enjolras,” he said carefully. So, so carefully. “What are you doing?”

Enjolras looked confused.

“Do you not wish to use me? I thought you would be eager. Evidently I was wrong, you wish to wait until we have reached our destination.”

“Use you,” Grantaire repeated stupidly.

“Yes. I am yours now, am I not? You took me away from them so that you might have me to yourself. I agreed, so I am yours. But,” he continued hesitantly, “do you think I might ask you one small favour? When you take me, do you think you might be a little gentler? I wouldn’t fight or anything, I promise! But it just-,” here he sounded close to tears, “it just hurts _so much_. Please, will you? Please?”

Grantaire had been staring dumbly, this entire time, but he snapped out of it as he heard Enjolras sob.

“Oh Enjolras,” he said, heartbreak clear in his voice. “Have you spent all this day thinking such terrible things? I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I should have explained as soon as we were free, as soon as we were in the carriage.”

He took a breath, and fell at Enjolras’ feet.

“I swear to you now, I will never again so much as brush your hand without your consent. The only reason I did before was to perpetuate the ruse, so that I could get you free and I am so terribly sorry for it. I know you must hate me, and I accept it. I will not ask for your forgiveness, but if there is anything I might do to help make amends, I beg you to tell me.”

“But,” said Enjolras, sounding confused and almost panicked. “You said- because I rejected you- you said-.”

“All part of the lie, my love. I would never willingly harm you. You have every right to reject me, and I am not the least bit angry about it.”

“Your love?” He sounded so faint and scared now, all Grantaire wanted to do was make it better.”

“Forgive me, I should not say so. I do not deserve to after this. I know it must be hard for you to believe, but I love you. I would do anything to keep you safe.”

“You will not hurt me?” He still sounded so uncertain.

“I will not.”

“I- I can’t believe it. I’m sorry.”

“I understand. And please don’t apologise for being unable to believe it when I have already hurt you so terribly.”

“So… I can go? To the other room? And you won’t follow me?”

“You can go. Have no fear, I will stay right here. If you need or want anything, and I do mean anything, even the most trivial thing, come and get me.”

He slowly rose from his knees, careful not to move too suddenly. He took a key from the dresser.

“This is the key to your room. You can take it, and lock yourself in so that you know that I won’t enter.”

Enjolras took it hesitantly, and then practically fled the room.

 

* * *

 

 

It took a long time for Enjolras to relax around Grantaire. Those first few months, he would flinch whenever there was a sudden movement or a loud noise. Slowly, after months of nothing happening, he found he was no longer afraid of Grantaire. That was at the same time both better and worse. Enjolras was no longer afraid, but with that lack of fear came hate. How _dare_ Grantaire do that to him, no matter what the reason. He became cold and angry. He lashed out with cutting words, vicious blows. He attacked Grantaire sometimes, threw him to the ground and kicked him until he had the energy to do no more. Grantaire took it all meekly, as no more than his due. He would have let Enjolras do anything he wanted to him.

 

The violence, like the fear, passed in time. Enjolras became calm, content. He no longer feared Grantaire, but no longer hated him. He accepted him. He accepted his devotion, his worship. He allowed Grantaire to love him, even if he could not return such feelings. For Grantaire, that was everything. Enjolras allowed him to be near him, allowed him to tell of his love, allowed him to watch over him. There were times in the night when Enjolras, overcome by nightmares, would crawl into Grantaire’s bed, into his arms, and feel safe there. Grantaire would hold him until he fell asleep, would cradle him protectively in his arms and watch over him. He swore to himself that no harm would ever come to this man again, that he would be protected at all costs, from anything, even dreams, that might try to harm him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grantaire's love is requited.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a very short alternative ending, since someone asked for requited love and I had to time. If you'd prefer for it to stay unrequited then just Don't read this chapter and let it end where it originally was intended to.

It was one of the nights when Enjolras was overcome with nightmares when it happened. He was curled up against Grantaire’s chest, held in his arms, still shaking a little.

“You love me,” he whispered against Grantaire’s chest and Grantaire did his best not to tense at the words; Enjolras always became frightened if he seemed at all upset or angry.

“Yes, I do,” he said, just as quietly.

“I think-” Enjolras began, before cutting himself off uncertainly.

“You think what, my love? Nothing bad will happen to you, no matter what you say.” He hated this the most out of all the effects that this ordeal had had on Enjolras. He hated to watch Enjolras, who had been so outspoken, measure his words so carefully. To watch him control his actions out of fear that if he said or did the wrong thing, he would be punished for it.

“I think I may care for you as well. Not- not love you, not yet. But I care for you.”

 

Grantaire sat up carefully, bringing Enjolras with him and slowly shifting to face him.

“Truly,” he queried quietly, and so very gently. “Do you truly care for me, or are you merely trying to appease me? Are you frighten I might hurt you if you don’t return my feelings? Because I swear to you, Enjolras, that you are safe with me. You may do whatever you wish, without fear of being harmed.”

“No, it is not that. I truly care for you Grantaire. I feel safe with you, most of the time. More than I do alone anyway.” It sounded harsh, but it was true. Whilst Grantaire strove to make sure that Enjolras always felt safe, the fact was that he had hurt him, and Enjolras couldn’t simply forget that because of a few promises. While Enjolras might feel safer with him after a nightmare, the fact remained that he was still frightened of him sometimes.

“However,” continued Enjolras, “as much as I may care for you, I cannot bring myself to- to enter into a sexual relationship with you. I- I’m sorry.” His voice trembled a little at this proclamation and Grantaire wanted to take him into his arms and hold him and make it so he’d never be scared again. He could not, however. Enjolras’ reaction to Grantaire holding him now would be panic, plain and simple, and silently Grantaire damned himself and anyone else who had ever touched this man and made him feel that he should be frightened when refusing to have sex.

“There is no need for you to apologise for that. I would never expect or ask you to have sex with me. You can have as much or as little of me as you want and I will gladly take whatever you want to give me, be that hate, or punishment, or affection. I only wish for you to be happy, to feel safe.”

“You expect nothing of me?” His voice was almost childlike, as though he was honestly astonished by what he was being told.

“Nothing at all. We only do whatever you wish.” He knew he was repeating himself, but he also knew it was something he would repeat a thousand times, until Enjolras believed him.

“And if I wished…”

“Yes, my love?”

“May I try something?”

“Anything at all.”

 

Enjolras leaned in slowly and pressed a kiss to Grantaire’s lips. Grantaire did not dare move his body. Only his lips moved to match Enjolras’ so that he might not be discouraged. He stayed just like that until Enjolras moved away, looking startled.

“Ange,” Grantaire questioned gently, “are you alright? If you didn’t like it then we need never do it again.”

“No. No, I liked it.”

“It did not remind you of…”

“No. None of you did that.”

 

Grantaire flinched in agony at that. _None of you_. He was still one of them to Enjolras. But of course he was, because he’d fucking _raped_ him. He should never be allowed to forget that, and he would never stop attempting to make ammends for it. But he needed to stop with these troubled thoughts, because Enjolras was watching his face with a hint of fear in his eyes.

“Good, I’m glad. But now, my love, you should probably sleep.”

“I do not wish to. I fear my dreams.”

“Then I will stay awake and watch over you. I will wake you should your dreams turn ill.”

“Do you promise,” Enjolras asked in a small voice.

“Yes, I promise. I swear it, I will wake you.”

 

With that Enjolras settled back into Grantaire’s arms and quickly fell asleep. And Grantaire kept his promise. He stayed awake all night and held Enjolras close and watched him faithfully, ready to wake him at the first sign of disquiet. Yet, there was none. In Grantaire’s arms Enjolras slept as soundly as he ever had before the barricades.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let a comment to let me know what you thought and also let me know if you see any typos that I missed.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment and let me know what you thought, and please let me know if you spot any typos.


End file.
